My Journey of Gratitude - Day 30

I began these 30 days in gratitude as an experiment to see what would happen. It quickly became a journey that took me on a trip beyond what I could have ever imagined. I expected to be changed certainly, but something even more amazing happened that I did not foresee--I was revealed.

In this field of healing that I so dearly love, we talk about changing our minds, changing our lives, changing our beliefs. But what I've come to realize is that, in doing all that, we are not changing ourselves--we are simply revealing who we've always been, Changing your beliefs doesn't change you--it reveals you.

When who you are is revealed and you live from that revealed self, your life begins to reflect that--and we call that change.

It may seem like I'm playing at semantics when you read this, but I can tell you that the experience between changing myself and revealing my true self is very different.

It feels like being covered by so many layers of thick blankets, that my Self is hidden. Then, one by one, each blanket is removed until there is just me--my True Self--jumping up and saying with delight "Here I am!"

I am not changed; I am revealed.

While some of my outer circumstances still remain to be dealt with, I no longer look at them as challenges to be overcome. In this revelation of who I am, I see them as opportunities. Opportunities for growth; opportunities to spread my wings and try new things; opportunities to allow more magic and miracles into my life.

And this is where one leg of my journey ends and a new one begins.  I am called to be open to and explore the magic and miracles that are present when I live in a state of gratitude.

So my Inner Chicken and I have new waves to surf and new adventures to take. Where we end up is beyond my ability to imagine, but I trust that magic and miracles will play a large role in wherever we go.

It is an exciting thought--magic and miracles abound, just waiting for me to recognize, allow and accept them.

Thank you for walking this journey with me. I am grateful for my life, for my new opportunities and for you.

I would love to hear your stories, your questions and your experiences.  Please feel free to comment!

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 29

This morning's journey took me into a place of stillness and inner peace. I enjoyed the feeling of silence around me and the stillness within me, but that was just the beginning of my journey.

Gratitude led to peace which took me to a place of deepest love--love of life and love for life.

This is that place of every-thing and no-thing. The 'void' that I used to fear but now wrap around me like a warm blanket. It is always in this void, this place before creation, that I experience my deepest truths and my deepest understandings. It is not a place I get to often, but today I did.

Sitting in this energy of every-thing and no-thing, I am free to be re-created into a new thing.

Gratitude exists in this place as well. I'm finding that gratitude exists everywhere. It feels like the glue that holds the universe together and allows Love to enter in.

Love and fear are the only 2 real emotions. Everything else you experience are aspects of one or the other. It is impossible for them to exist in the same place at the time. You are either in a state of love or a state of fear in any given moment.

The state of gratitude opens the door for love to enter in and reside within you. Fear, then has no room and no reason to exist.

But we live in a world of duality--good/evil, right/wrong, gain/loss--with fear, chaos and conflict seemingly in charge. That is one aspect of reality, but it does not need to be the only aspect I experience.

With each day of this journey I understand on ever deepening levels not just the importance and benefits of living in gratitude, but the amazing tool for transformation that gratitude is.

No other tool is as easy to employ to change your experience of life. It costs nothing, needs no user manual to assemble and is available to you in every moment.

You simply close your eyes, take a deep breath and say 'thank you'. Your Spirit self can take it from there.

Gratitude can be the next great adventure of your life--if you allow it.

My eyes closed, a deep breath and thank you for being on this journey with me.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 27

These past 27 days have been rich with learning, understanding and healing. The more I learn, the more I realize how much more there is to learn. I settled into my 10 minutes of gratitude this morning curious what I would experience. Expecting the usual learning and understanding, I felt a different energy begin to flow in.
 

Receiving--the energy of receiving began flowing strongly through me. Then I realized that my focus had been on what I could learn about myself on this journey, that it had not dawned on me that I could simply receive gratitude.

 

Gratitude is more than being thankful, more than expressing gratefulness; it is also receiving gratitude as well as expressing it.

 

So I relaxed even more into this state and felt myself being divinely loved. I felt for the very first time the Divine Intelligence expressing gratitude for my existence. I felt the gratitude of others grateful for me.

 

Talk about a big turn-around in understanding! I have been so busy practicing the state of gratitude that I had forgotten that others are grateful for my existence as much as I am grateful for theirs.

 

I sat with my heart melting open and tears of joy welling up in my eyes as I understood a simple yet profound truth--the divine creator of life cherishes my existence...is grateful for me being here now, being me.

 

This state of gratitude is a full body-mind-spirit experience of giving-receiving-blessings. Being in a state of gratitude allows my Soul to be a full participant in my life. Being in a state of gratitude allows YOUR Soul to be a full participant in your life--if you allow it.

   

"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul." And my existence is made sacred and holy through this state of gratitude.

 

When I am in gratitude I feel the entire universe open to me and for me.  And that is a most delicious feeling.

I welcome your thoughts and your stories.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

The remains of yesterday's turkey simmering on the stove on its way to becoming tomorrow's soup, I allowed that delicious aroma to take me deeper into my state of gratitude this morning. Thoughts of yesterday's time with family floated across my mind until I had given thanks for each person, each bite of food and each memory.

Then a deep sense of inner peace flowed through me, and there I stayed, floating in peace and feeling at one with the world.

When I finally opened my eyes, 20 minutes had flown by! I realized that while life has its ups and downs, it also has its times of peaceful plateaus.

Today I am grateful for my plateau where I can simply relax in peace and love for the day.

All is well--and for that I am most grateful.

Please feel free to share your experiences! I welcome knowing how you experience gratitude and all that you are grateful for in your life.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 23

Today is Thanksgiving Day here in the U.S. and we are spending today with family.  Any day I spend with my children and grandchildren is a day to be grateful, but this day most of all.

I began my meditation with an open heart filling with thoughts of each family member.  There is a new grandbaby on her way, so extra special gratitude for a new life among us.  One daughter has found 'the one' and he is being introduced to the whole clan today.  I am grateful for her newfound happiness and also that this family so easily opens its arms and heart to embrace new life and new love as we continue to grow.

As I continued to sit in my state of gratitude, allowing my mind to take me to new places, my physical body responded to me.  Not in the warm glow of gratitude way that I normally experience, but something different.  It immediately got my attention.

There was a response to the gratitude--a living response as my body flowed it back to me.  It was like standing at a top of a canyon yelling "Hello.  I love you' and expecting those words to be echoed back.  Instead I heard "I love you too."  A surprise as I realized for the first time that gratitude is a 2-way communication!

All this time I've sent thanks and love to my body for all it does for me, yet had never considered the possibility that my body would respond in kind.

As a medical intuitive who works with the physical body and health all the time you'd think I wouldn't have been surprised, but there I sat in amazement as this deeper communication between us continued--as equals and co-creators of my life.

My body does more than just reflect my thoughts; it responds with its own as well.  And isn't that really how it should be--my body as more than a reflection of me, but an active co-creator?  Isn't that how it is supposed to be for each of us?

After all, doesn't my body house my Essence?  Why wouldn't we consciously co-create not only my health, but my life?  Why wouldn't we work in cooperation and harmony with each other?

This morning the meaning of being 'present in my body' took on a whole new depth of understanding and experience.  Gratitude is not just a feeling, not just a state of being--it is also a 2-way communication.  Whether that be between body-mind or two people, gratitude is a divine method of communication.

I am grateful today for the body I live in and it is grateful for my presence and my acknowledgement.

New doors have just opened.

I welcome your comments and experiences!

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 22

"Woman thou art loosed."  That is the title of a movie that I have never seen, yet those were the first words I heard this morning as I slipped into gratitude. 

Powerful words within this state of gratitude.  An opening, a shift of something intangible but very real happened.  A strong sense of personal power flowed through me, very different than the personal power I carried within me before.  Something deeper, broader, higher.

And a new fire was born within me.

Not the 'fire in the belly' masculine power nor the gentle internal knowing of feminine power, but something very different.  As if the two came together and created something new.

This experience did not flow from the feeling of gratitude; this new sense of personal power flowed into the space that being in a state of gratitude opened up.

I began this journey 22 days ago as an experiment to experience the feeling of gratitude and how that would change me.  What I quickly realized is that while gratitude is a feeling--it is also so much more; it is a state of being as well. 

In this state of being called gratitude doors open, healing takes place and your greater self steps in to play a much grander role than before.

And that is what I experienced this morning.  My ego self felt loved enough to give way to my soul self.  While my wonderful ego self has definite ideas about what I want and how I should have it, my soul self has even higher, grander ideas about what is possible for me.  This morning that door opened and my conscious connection to my soul flowed through.

How do I describe the delicious feeling of my divine self stepping into my life and essentially saying "I'll take it from here" while my ego agrees?

The only words I have right now are "Woman--thou are loosed."

Today I am grateful for this feeling of wholeness and excited about the new beginnings this means for me.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 21

This morning's journey began with frustration.  Frustration because some things I'm working towards are not happening, or at least not happening at the speed I want.  So my meditation began with a bit of cursing the challenges I face.  Why me?  Why not me? What good is it to be grateful for my troubles and challenges?  That just smacks of my old religious upbringing to be grateful for what little God gives me!

So there I sat with my questions and gave thanks for them.  Even if I couldn't feel grateful for the challenges, I was at least grateful for the questions.  It didn't take long for the answers to move through me.

Gratitude must come from the inside.  When I look outside of myself to what I do or do not have, it is easy to lose that sense of gratitude because gratitude will never come from outside of myself.  It is an 'inside job' and that's where the powerful of gratitude lies--within each of us.  Not out in the world we experience, but within each one of us is the seed of gratitude.

'Challenges, problems, troubles, difficulties, not-enoughness'--are words we have assigned a negative meaning to and they come with energy that contracts us rather than expands us. 

What if I shifted my perspective and thought of them as 'opportunities'?  After all, isn't that what they really are--opportunities to take action, make a new decision, re-evaluate, let go, embrace, to say yes please or no thank you to situations in our lives.  How would that change my feelings about what happens around me?

An instant internal shift happened and I again slipped into that gentle warmth of gratitude.  Thankful for a new understanding; thankful that I asked a better question and received a better answer.  Thankful that by simply changing my perception of words I shifted from contraction into the expansive energy of gratitude.

So now I understand that the situations I face are opportunities for me to re-think and re-choose the direction I want to move on this journey that is my life.

That is a powerful understanding to receive!

And it makes all the difference in the world to me.  Instead of contracting into frustration and old patterns, gratitude expanded me into new ways of thinking about my reality.  How 'real' do I want this situation to be--and what do I want to be real for me instead?  Again--a better question yields a better answer.

I am grateful for the opportunities to succeed that are now open before me. I have some re-thinking and re-choosing to do today!

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 20

The joy of gratitude! Yesterday I experienced my body taking over and releasing past painful events. There was beauty and grace in that experience and I felt much lighter afterwards. Releasing old stuff is always a good thing.

This morning's journey took me on a very different path--the path of joy in living. Because my childhood was full of chaos and pain, my focus for years was healing and creating a fresh start, and so I did.

What I often forget along the way--I think we all often forget--is that joy, love and fun are also part of living.

Flashes of happy times flowed through me, increasing and deepening my sense of gratitude and unleashing the joy that had been forgotten. The years and events flew by like watching a movie in fast forward as I remembered the good times and the people who loved and supported me.

The memory of joy that stood out the brightest was holding my first born daughter in my arms. I was a teenage mom and there had been plenty of drama around that. But when I looked at her and she looked at me all that faded away. For the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to truly love another without reservation. Until that moment I had no idea that I was capable of such love.

My memories flowed to the birth of my 3 other babies and how each time I wasn't sure I could be any more open to love, blessings and joy--I did.

Life has a way of getting in the way of gratitude and love if we stop paying attention. To have this experience today--to feel joy released and to remember how truly blessed I am is wonderful. It is a good reminder that the good and the difficult all exist around me and it is my focus that determines my experience and my reality now.

Today I am grateful for the journey of my life. A corner has been turned on this 20th day of gratitude and a new adventure awaits.

So today my Inner Chicken and I will ride the waves of this new grand adventure, feeling blessed to be alive.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 19

Gratitude leads to inner peace and that is how I awoke this morning, with this deepest sense of inner peace as my first awareness.  So instead of getting up to do my 10 minutes of gratitude meditation in my usual spot, I allowed myself to shift into gratitude right there, lying in bed all snuggled under the blankets on a dark, cold morning and had a very different experience of gratitude.

Usually it is my mind that guides me through the meditation; my mind that consciously takes me into gratitude.  This time, maybe because I was so relaxed, it was my physical body that took over the reins, guiding me ever deeper into what happens to me physically when I am in a state of gratitude.  An odd experience certainly and I'm not quite sure if I can describe the difference. 

Always before my mind told me what my body was feeling; whether it was about gratitude or anything else, the understanding came through my mind.  This morning, however, the knowing came directly from my body--and I understood it.  Instead of gratitude flowing from my thoughts down into my physical being, it was my body that flowed gratitude to my thoughts.  My body was reflecting back to me its new state of being now--a state of physical being that carried, held and flowed gratitude.  No longer was my body being fed gratitude, it had become the state of gratitude.  Something had shifted within the physical and it all feels different.

Curious now to see what was next, I relaxed into this new experience and allowed it to unfold.  At first I thought my mind was wandering and I'd try to bring it back to the present.  But then I realized that my mind wasn't wandering because my mind was not controlling this experience--my body was.  Old memories would pop up--what use to be very painful memories from childhood.  Instead of the feeling of pain and woundedness that always accompanied these memories, a feeling of warmth--that new state of gratitude I have--flowed through each memory, dissolving it. 

It took a few minutes to realize that the intelligence of my body--and make no mistake our bodies have an intelligence of their own--was using gratitude to heal the pain in my past.  So I lay there, open and allowing this process to unfold as memory after memory was released from my cells and healed.  Past memories and future worries, all healed in the same way--with gratitude.

As a medical intuitive I am use to entering the body and taking a look around, but that is my mind controlling the process.  This experience was entirely different.  I could actually feel my body healing itself and it was doing it consciously, wanting me to know and understand what was happening.  Gratitude has become so much more than a feeling I flow through my body 10 minutes a day.  It is now a state of being that I live in and that my body responds to. 

As the body is a reflection of the mind, I saw a new reflection of myself this morning.  And I am grateful for who I am and who I am becoming.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 18

The more time I spend in this state of gratitude, the more I learn about who I am and who I am becoming and that leads to feeling even more gratitude.  And I continue to fall in love with myself more every day in new ways.  What an incredible Being I really am--amazing how I never saw that before.  Amazing how we forget to remember how amazing we each are.

As I keep my focus on gratitude, I notice subtle shifts within.  Increasingly I am more open to seeing life as a journey and less needing to try to control my outcomes.  What a relief that is!  To begin giving up controlling my life and how it turns out and relax into the moment as it is--priceless.

I already know my eventual destination, so why not be open to the journey itself and enjoying the outcomes rather than fearing them.  That is a huge shift for me.  I've always been a destination kinda gal--focusing more on getting to the finish line and forgetting to notice the cool things along the way. 

Other changes are beginning to show up in my life as well--physical changes.  As I physically relax into this journey of gratitude I am sleeping more.  Never realized how wound up and constricted I had become the past couple of years with trying to do things the 'right' way and control the outcomes. The more I relax, the slower my pace the more I actually accomplish.  Seems counter-intuitive I know--but it's real.

And I am physically detoxing a bit as the energy of gratitude floods my body, flushing out the old 'not enoughness' that was trapped.  A bit uncomfortable certainly, but also refreshing as my body continues to let go of what it no longer needs to hold.

My outlook on life is definitely brighter--this attitude of gratitude is becoming a constant presence in my life.  More and more when an old habitual thought of worry or fear arises, I am flooded with feelings, images and thoughts of all I have to be grateful for.  A new habit of gratitude as my natural state of being is arising.

I find that I'm walking around in love with people and with the world instead of shrinking away from the chaos and pain.  All good and all bad still exist out there.  We do live in a world of polarity, but the difference for me is where I now place my focus.  Gratitude is not only a state of being, it is also a choice.  A choice that I make every moment in my life.  To choose gratitude over fear.  To choose to focus on all that is good in life and allow my experience of life to be simpler, happier.

I no longer feel the need to save the world. Did I really believe that I could? Loving myself and my life one day at a time is enough.  If we each do that, the world won't need saving.

In the meantime, life is meant to be an adventure and we are meant to enjoy the journey--living full out to the best we can.

Cue the Hawaii 5-0 theme song and my Inner Chicken riding the waves of life!

In gratitude,  Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 17

It seems that the more time I spend in gratitude, the less I have to say.  There comes this tipping point where the experience becomes so deep that words cannot capture the essence of what is felt.  And I believe I may have reached that tipping point.

Normally it would take me a few minutes to settle my mind enough so that I could step into the state of gratitude.  Today, however, I gently slipped into it and was feeling it before I was even aware of being there.  That was an interesting experience in itself!

I sat in the new experience of thankfulness, a gentle warmth glowing through me and felt my outer world swirling around me-forming, dissolving and reforming itself over and over again.  It was like sitting safely by a warm fire with a storm raging outside.  My inner self is calm, peaceful and safe while my outer life is changing into something not yet seen.

When I look around my life everything looks the same, but my internal experience is so different that nothing feels the same. Normally that would make me nervous and scrambling for some stability, but instead today I am feeling calm, peaceful and trusting.  There is deep within me a knowing that all is well.

Today I am grateful for what is and curious about what will be.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 16

I want to first thank a good friend of mine for helping me yesterday to clear some of the old stuff that has arisen during this journey of mine.  Whenever you make a shift of any kind your frequency changes and whatever you've been holding that no longer resonates with that new 'you' shakes loose and needs to be released.  That is what healing is all about--letting go of what no longer fits.  So yesterday my friend Sue helped me let go of all that had shaken loose and I feel so much more freedom.  For that I am grateful.

So this morning, feeling more freedom within and without, I sat down to practice my 10 minutes of gratitude.  It was easier to get into that state of gratitude this morning because most of the chatter that I normally have to move through was gone.  A big WooHoo! on that score!

What is left behind is a deeper warmth, like glowing embers after the logs have burned themselves down.  A calm, steady warmth that spread through me, deep into my bones.

Not the high that I've always felt before; you know that mountain top experience we often get. But with every high must come a leveling out because we are not called to live at the top of the mountain all the time--or at least I'm not.  I am called to live amongst people and be of service from within the community, not separate from them.

And so a new sense of gratitude was born within me today.  It feels like I found myself again and, even better, I fell in love with myself all over again.

Today I am grateful for the slow, steady glow of gratitude that warms me and tells me that I am 'home' at last.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 15

Before I begin talking about my experience this morning with gratitude I'd like to answer a couple of questions that I've received from people following my journey.

How do I get started and what do I do once I've started?

I always start my 10 minute mediation by closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths.  Then I begin with my gratitude prayers--thank you for my life, thank you for my ability to breathe, and then I move through gratefulness for my husband, children, grandchildren, friends and opportunities. After that I take another deep breath and quiet my mind and allow myself to feel the gratitude for all those things.  Some days it flows smoothly and other days it's more challenging.

Just like today--I had a few false starts and had to start over again.  It's a journey, not a destination I have to remind myself.  Simply a journey.

OK.  On to my experience this morning. And an interesting one it was as I mark the mid-way point of this 30 day journey.  A bit of a challenge to settle down into gratitude.  My conscious mind was running wild with thoughts of today's 'to do' list and I even found myself worrying about getting my Christmas shopping done.  Lots of resistance for some reason.

At first I tried reining the thoughts in, which of course did not work.  So I allowed them to scurry across my inner vision unhindered, like clouds being blown across the sky by a strong wind.

Then it happened--I felt a sudden, subtle shift and my mind went completely still and time seemed to stop.  All sounds silenced and my outer world ceased to exist.

I sat in this profound silence and felt myself floating in what felt like a primordial soup of everything and nothing.  Of course, the moment I was aware I popped out of it, but then would fall right back into it again.  So there I sate, blinking in and out from what felt like existence to non-existence, from particle to wave to particle again.  Back and forth, in and out, feeling gratitude in both states of being.  But gratitude in a very different way that is difficult to describe.

I've had this experience before when in deep meditation, but this was the first time I blinked back and forth, bringing gratitude with me.

Instead of experiencing the feeling of gratitude, I believe I experienced the knowing of it--the true state of it.  I believe I tapped into that place where all things manifest--the unified field that exists all around us and I felt a presence of something very wonderful.

And for that I am most grateful today.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 14

"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."  Abraham Lincoln

That quotes floats through my mind as I begin my time with gratitude.  How happy am I allowing myself to be and what stops me from being happy all the time? Interesting thought to ponder and it opens many doors hidden away in my mind.

As I continue spending time in the state of gratitude I find that all that is not gratitude--all that cannot exist in this energy--is free to roll on up and out of me.  My initial reaction is to stop and ponder each thought and each feeling; wanting to understand and solve.  That's part of our human nature and the function of our conscious mind, that desire to know the 'why' of every situation. 

But asking 'why' will only give you the story surrounding the situation; it will never give you the truth that lies within.  For that you must sit within the middle of it all, giving thanks for whatever is.  As a teacher of mine often says "Understanding is just the booby prize."  Consciously choosing what you want instead of what you currently have--there is the power and the freedom to create change.

To be stand in the middle of your life situation and say "No matter what has happened to me in the past--this is what I choose today.  This is how I choose to live today."  That is true self-empowerment.

Gratitude comes in many forms and some days are easier than others to feel thankful.  Today gratitude showed up as patience and trust.

Patience that saying 'thank you' in the face of doubt is enough, and trust that all is well regardless of what I see happening--or not happening--around me.

So today I am grateful for my doubts, my faith and my journey, bumps and all.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 13

A funny thing about opening to feelings--you can't just pick and choose which feelings you allow.  It's not possible to say "I will only feel the 'good' feelings today."  That's because feelings are neither good nor bad, right nor wrong.  They are just feelings brought on by your thoughts.

So the other day when the dam burst open and everything that was backed up came pouring forth, I understood that would mean that all my feelings were free to express themselves.  And they certainly have! 

Yesterday was my impatience and today my sadness made its appearance. Not the profound sadness of years past, but the sadness of unanswered prayers, missed opportunities and things I have done or left undone. 

Earlier this morning I read a passage that fit perfectly for this moment.  "Bask in the luxury of feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved."  So I did.  As I stepped more fully into that state of gratitude feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved, I allowed the sadness to flow through me, freeing it from the prison of my body.  A sweet gentleness flowed in to fill the empty spaces where sadness had previously lived. 

The more I let go of what no longer serves me and what I have imprisoned in my body, the more free I am to fully live the life I love.  I begin my day in a place of serenity and knowingness.

Today I am grateful for my ability to fully experience all my emotions and to bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 11

I am so grateful for early mornings!  My husband is still asleep, the house is quiet and it feels like I have the world all to myself.  It's my favorite time of day because every morning I get to choose anew who I am and how I want to live my life.  Every morning is a 'do over' when, no matter what happened the day before, THIS day I get to be grateful for once again.

This morning my time in gratitude was met with a fair amount of fear at first.  Fear that I was expanding and changing too fast.  Like instead of driving my nice, dependable sedan, I had suddenly jumped behind the wheel of an expensive race car and took off at the speed of light.

"Who will you be if you keep going at this pace?  What will become of me?" I heard in my mind.  My inner child was worried that trouble lay ahead, because as a child whenever I spoke up, asked for what I wanted or did anything 'different', trouble ensured for someone.  So early on I learned to keep a low profile, to stay contracted and off the radar.

But here I am now--on everybody's radar!  Stepping up and stepping out in gratitude--and telling people about it.

So I took a deep breath and sat with my inner child and her fears, thanking them for being there, feeling gratitude for their presence.  And there we sat, the 3 of us in a state of gratitude until the fear dissolved and love flowed in.

An old Billy Joel song began drifting through my mind--just parts of it. "Don't go changing to try and please me.  I love you just the way you are."  And I drifted deeper into the meaning of those words.  I don't have to change anything about myself in order to be loved or in order to have what I want in life.  Living in a state of gratitude changes everything without me having to force a change or trying to be perfect, whatever 'perfect' means. 

Transformation is a natural outcome from gratitude and a spirit of thankfulness.  With a deep sigh my body relaxed into a gentle easiness and lightness.

Today is a play date with 2 of my grandkids, ages 7 and almost 4.  We're making pumpkin pies from real pumpkins.  As a child I learned to bake from my grandmother.  She wanted me to know that not everything comes from a can, and that's a tradition I carry on with my own grandkids.  So today we will cut up the pumpkins, bake them and the seeds, then turn them into delicious pies.

Afterwards is our special movie night complete with pizza and root beer floats before being tucked into bed with kisses from their Mimi (that's me!)

My inner child is invited to join the fun.

I am grateful for this day and for my life.  Every day is a gift that I treasure.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 9

My vulnerability is my strength and I am grateful for that realization.

A couple of things I want to talk about today.  For years I've been meditating and all those years I always needed to hold a pillow or cover my solar plexus up in someway.  Couldn't meditate without that.  This morning during my 10 minutes of gratitude I noticed that I was not covering myself up and hadn't for the past couple of days.  That is a huge shift for me.  To be open and vulnerable with no need to protect parts of me.  It became so natural to not put a pillow or blanket in front of me that I didn't notice it for 3 days.  For this new openness I am grateful.

Until yesterday I didn't realize how vulnerable being in gratitude makes you.  In fact I hadn't even thought of myself as being more vulnerable until an experience yesterday with a person who made a few mean-spirited remarks to me for reasons of her own.  My first reaction was to feel hurt and shut down, but that is now such a foreign feeling that I was immediately aware of the shift from open gratitude to fear.

You see to me being vulnerable use to mean being weak, helpless and open for hurt. It meant that I was allowing anyone to come along and behave badly towards me, so no way was I going to be vulnerable! 

My experience with gratitude this morning showed me the true meaning of vulnerability--being fully present in my life, in my body and in the moment.  Fully present with myself and for others.  My vulnerability is my strength, my gift to myself and to others.  For only in the present and in my presence do I allow myself to be known.

Being vulnerable is my strength.  It is what makes me the healer and teacher that I am.  This journey of gratitude has shown me how I have closed myself off in the past and how much more Life and Light I have when I am open, vulnerable and present.

There will certainly be times when I run into people who behave in unkind ways; we are all doing the best we can with what we have and so many people still live from their pain rather than their true nature.  And I accept that people just do what people do and it is never personal really.  There will be those times, but the difference today is that I know and understand that in any moment that I lose my presence, I will remember that I now have a higher value on living from a state of gratitude and can return to being present with a simple decision.

So to the person who was so unkind--I am grateful for your presence in my life and the gift of understanding that I received through your action.  And to my friends that I turned to when I felt misunderstood, I am most grateful for the mirror you always hold up so that I can see my true reflection of who I am as a woman, a friend, a healer, a teacher.

My vulnerability is my strength and for that I am grateful today.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 8

My mind gets so impatient when it feels I'm not moving forward fast enough.  It is always wanting more, more, more and faster.  This impatience stems from an old belief that there is not enough, so better get it right now.  And that was my experience this morning.

Impatience when nothing 'grand' seemed to be happening.  I love those mountain top experiences.  You know the ones where you feel on top of the world and everything is laid at your feet.  Your energy is high and you are in the zone.  I love that and truth is that there are many other ways to experience transformation as well.

Those gentle moments of gratitude are just as powerful--when I am open to noticing them.  Like a warm gentle breeze blowing freshness into my home, so is that gentle, easy flow of gratitude bringing freshness into my life--and I am transforming.

This journey with gratitude is building a new foundation from which to live my life.  My old foundation which was based on past pain was like a huge dam filled with thousands of leaks and threatening to overwhelm me should I not contain it all.  What an exhausting way to live!

Today I have a new image.  The dam has broken and I'm riding the waves using the energy released to fuel my new foundation, my new way of living in this world.

No longer afraid of being overwhelmed, I am now free to build anew.  And I hear myself on that surfboard yelling "Ride the waves baby.  Ride the waves."

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 6

What started out as an Experiment has now become a Journey.  My experience so far in 6 days of spending 10 minutes a day in Gratitude has taken on a life of its own and I'm now on a Journey of Gratitude, curious to see where this particular journey takes me.

Gratitude shows up in a myriad of forms-words of thankfulness, music that soothes the soul, visions and symbols, dreams, feelings, new rhythms and beats.  There is no one way to be in the state of gratitude--only your way of being there.  That may remain the same for you or, like me, change and move differently day to day.

Some days it is easy to feel the flow of gratitude coursing through my being and other days, not so much.  This morning is one of those 'not so much' days.  At first I was worried that I couldn't feel that 'mountain top' experience of gratefulness and then I spent precious moment trying to make it happen.
"What a stupid experiment I'm doing! I MUST be grateful!  Let me just change that ingratitude to gratitude right now."
 
Then I heard my inner voice tell me 'Relax into this moment and allow it to be whatever it is.'  So I did.  I took a deep breath and made the choice (and ALL change begins with a choice) and let go of my preconceived ideas of what I thought being in gratitude should be and allowed myself to just be in the flow of 'what is.'

That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful.  I am.  I still said my gratitude prayers, thanking & blessing all that I have in my life.  I just wasn't 'feeling' it if you know what I mean. 

Life has an ebb and a flow--like the tide.  So I sat and focused on the ebb and flow of my breathing.  In and out.  Breathing in and bringing in.  Breathing out and letting go.  In and out.

Meister Eckhart said "If all you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you' that will suffice.' 

So for today I just said 'thank you that I am alive' and I trust that is enough.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

Gratitude Experiment--Day 5

Resistance--what a great teacher!  It was inevitable this resistance.  The conscious mind doesn't think much of change after all and loves the status quo.  To spend time in the state of gratitude--and gratitude IS a state of being--opens you up to change.  And resistance arises, like an old pair of slippers.

I embraced my resistance and expressed gratitude for it.  'Thank you resistance!  How wonderful to see you again old friend.  I acknowledge and honor you as being part of who I am.  Welcome.'  It seemed insane at first to embrace my resistance because, after all, we resist feeling it don't we?  But what we resist persists.  And so we sat together--my resistance and me.  Just sat in gratitude that I actually had resistance--realizing that resistance has a positive intention, which is to keep my safe.

And in that moment of safety I felt the shift.  How precious is life!  My life, regardless of what I do or don't have, despite the situations I find myself in--my life IS precious.  Your life is precious.  The very act of living is precious.

Last night my husband & I attended a charity gala.  I got all 'gussied up' as my mother called it and Jim wore his tux.  We've always had a great time before at this annual gala, but this year was a very different experience.  The room was noisy & chaotic and several of the people at our table spent the evening drinking and texting rather than talking. 

So we left early and came home.  I quickly shed the fancy clothes and slipped into my favorite pair of flannel pajamas.  Just the man I love and myself--together and grateful. 

That experience last night showed me what I value most--a life of simplicity with people I love and who love me right back.  Being myself in every moment.  Being grateful for all my experiences--whether I like them or not.

So there I sat in my flannel pajamas filled with happy smiling frogs. Nothing to prove, nothing to do, nothing to be--just me in the moment.  Content, happy and grateful for everything.

Enjoying the essence of my life now.

In gratitude,
Bonnie