My Journey of Gratitude - Day 30

I began these 30 days in gratitude as an experiment to see what would happen. It quickly became a journey that took me on a trip beyond what I could have ever imagined. I expected to be changed certainly, but something even more amazing happened that I did not foresee--I was revealed.

In this field of healing that I so dearly love, we talk about changing our minds, changing our lives, changing our beliefs. But what I've come to realize is that, in doing all that, we are not changing ourselves--we are simply revealing who we've always been, Changing your beliefs doesn't change you--it reveals you.

When who you are is revealed and you live from that revealed self, your life begins to reflect that--and we call that change.

It may seem like I'm playing at semantics when you read this, but I can tell you that the experience between changing myself and revealing my true self is very different.

It feels like being covered by so many layers of thick blankets, that my Self is hidden. Then, one by one, each blanket is removed until there is just me--my True Self--jumping up and saying with delight "Here I am!"

I am not changed; I am revealed.

While some of my outer circumstances still remain to be dealt with, I no longer look at them as challenges to be overcome. In this revelation of who I am, I see them as opportunities. Opportunities for growth; opportunities to spread my wings and try new things; opportunities to allow more magic and miracles into my life.

And this is where one leg of my journey ends and a new one begins.  I am called to be open to and explore the magic and miracles that are present when I live in a state of gratitude.

So my Inner Chicken and I have new waves to surf and new adventures to take. Where we end up is beyond my ability to imagine, but I trust that magic and miracles will play a large role in wherever we go.

It is an exciting thought--magic and miracles abound, just waiting for me to recognize, allow and accept them.

Thank you for walking this journey with me. I am grateful for my life, for my new opportunities and for you.

I would love to hear your stories, your questions and your experiences.  Please feel free to comment!

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 29

This morning's journey took me into a place of stillness and inner peace. I enjoyed the feeling of silence around me and the stillness within me, but that was just the beginning of my journey.

Gratitude led to peace which took me to a place of deepest love--love of life and love for life.

This is that place of every-thing and no-thing. The 'void' that I used to fear but now wrap around me like a warm blanket. It is always in this void, this place before creation, that I experience my deepest truths and my deepest understandings. It is not a place I get to often, but today I did.

Sitting in this energy of every-thing and no-thing, I am free to be re-created into a new thing.

Gratitude exists in this place as well. I'm finding that gratitude exists everywhere. It feels like the glue that holds the universe together and allows Love to enter in.

Love and fear are the only 2 real emotions. Everything else you experience are aspects of one or the other. It is impossible for them to exist in the same place at the time. You are either in a state of love or a state of fear in any given moment.

The state of gratitude opens the door for love to enter in and reside within you. Fear, then has no room and no reason to exist.

But we live in a world of duality--good/evil, right/wrong, gain/loss--with fear, chaos and conflict seemingly in charge. That is one aspect of reality, but it does not need to be the only aspect I experience.

With each day of this journey I understand on ever deepening levels not just the importance and benefits of living in gratitude, but the amazing tool for transformation that gratitude is.

No other tool is as easy to employ to change your experience of life. It costs nothing, needs no user manual to assemble and is available to you in every moment.

You simply close your eyes, take a deep breath and say 'thank you'. Your Spirit self can take it from there.

Gratitude can be the next great adventure of your life--if you allow it.

My eyes closed, a deep breath and thank you for being on this journey with me.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 28

Some days I just have to laugh at what a slow learner I can be.  Today is one of those days!  I began my usual process of stepping into gratitude, especially giving thanks for these past 30 days, which are quickly coming to an end. 

As I was expressing my gratitude for an experience yesterday that I would preferred to not have had, I realized that being in a state of gratitude does not keep me from feeling old worries and fears, nor does it protect me from the challenges in life.  I find that I still worry and fret over what isn't going well in my life and at times old beliefs still pop up and get in my way.  It's part of the human experience I suppose; just not the most pleasant part.

The state of gratitude does not guarantee me sunshine and rainbows every day. 
What it does do is give me an essential tool to quickly shift my perspective and my experience.

Remember that gratitude is also a choice. I can take the time, even in the midst of anger or worry, to choose to feel gratitude for something.  I may not enter the state of gratitude, but I can certainly shift my mood with the feeling of gratitude.  To say to myself "I choose this instead of that."

With that understanding came an image of how I've been practicing gratitude up to this point.  Practicing it--not being it.  It is a journey after all, not a destination, so learning wisdom along the way is a good thing.

The image I saw was of me carrying a huge, heavy rock.  This rock was so big that it blocked my view of where I was heading.  I had to crane my neck to see around it, but right in front of me--just a big ole piece of impenetrable rock. 

Now the interesting thing is that I've carried this 2 ton piece of earth with me for so long that it became part of me--who knew! 

I saw that during this journey of stepping into gratitude, I would unconsciously put the rock down, step into gratitude and have my beautiful experience--and then pick up that darn rock again and continue on my not-so-merry way.  No wonder I often feel exhausted and can't always 'see' where I'm headed!

Because change is a choice, gratitude is a choice--I made a choice to let go of the rock and try something new.  I didn't need nor did I want that rock any longer, and I no longer wanted my journey of gratitude to be separate from who I am, what I do and where I'm headed. 

At first the rock turned into a pile of gifts--gifts that I can offer to others, but they were still heavy and still blocked my vision.  Not yet matching my vision.

So I sat there as gratitude came to me--that was a new experience.  Gratitude stepping into me rather than vice versa.  As I allowed myself to be bathed in and invigorated by this state of gratitude, the gifts disappeared completely and there was only me standing there with no obstacles to block my vision.

Me. My knowledge, skills, talents and personality are the gifts I bring to my life and to my clients.  Who I am-exactly as I am--is the gift I bring.

Who you are, exactly as you are-that is the gift you bring to the world.

And that knowing my friends is worth this entire journey!  For this I am most grateful.

What are your stories, your questions, your opinions?  I am grateful for you in my life and would love to hear from you.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 27

These past 27 days have been rich with learning, understanding and healing. The more I learn, the more I realize how much more there is to learn. I settled into my 10 minutes of gratitude this morning curious what I would experience. Expecting the usual learning and understanding, I felt a different energy begin to flow in.
 

Receiving--the energy of receiving began flowing strongly through me. Then I realized that my focus had been on what I could learn about myself on this journey, that it had not dawned on me that I could simply receive gratitude.

 

Gratitude is more than being thankful, more than expressing gratefulness; it is also receiving gratitude as well as expressing it.

 

So I relaxed even more into this state and felt myself being divinely loved. I felt for the very first time the Divine Intelligence expressing gratitude for my existence. I felt the gratitude of others grateful for me.

 

Talk about a big turn-around in understanding! I have been so busy practicing the state of gratitude that I had forgotten that others are grateful for my existence as much as I am grateful for theirs.

 

I sat with my heart melting open and tears of joy welling up in my eyes as I understood a simple yet profound truth--the divine creator of life cherishes my existence...is grateful for me being here now, being me.

 

This state of gratitude is a full body-mind-spirit experience of giving-receiving-blessings. Being in a state of gratitude allows my Soul to be a full participant in my life. Being in a state of gratitude allows YOUR Soul to be a full participant in your life--if you allow it.

   

"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul." And my existence is made sacred and holy through this state of gratitude.

 

When I am in gratitude I feel the entire universe open to me and for me.  And that is a most delicious feeling.

I welcome your thoughts and your stories.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 26

Through my experiences on this journey of gratitude I have learned that expressing thankfulness is one aspect of gratitude. Feeling gratitude is another aspect. Being in the state of gratitude amplifies both expression (thoughts) and feeling and creates a different energy--a new vibration that is more powerful than its separate parts. Being in the state of being called gratitude, this new energy moves from being in the mind only into the body and expands both. It truly becomes a body-mind-spirit experience of gratitude.

I felt the shift more deeply this morning. Instead of my awareness being experienced in my mind, my conscious awareness going up & out, the expansion of gratitude dropped down & in so that I experienced body-mind-spirit all in gratitude at once--as one being state.

This was an experience of deepening that opened greater understanding of who I am beyond this physical body. I feel a healing of separation happening, not yet complete, but spreading. A blending that is at once curious and exciting.

You know that experience where you reach a certain point and the experience takes on a life of its own and continues to grow and spread exponentially? It feels very much like the beginning of new life--three things (thoughts, feeling and state of being) coming together in creation. The big bang theory. The beginning of new life. An expansion in control of itself.

I feel it in my cells as well as my thoughts. Something new and different has been creating and is developing organically on its own.

Just as I was excited about meeting the new life that was growing within me each time I was pregnant, I feel new life growing within me now--body-mind-spirit and I am excited about the possibilities and the final outcome when what has been created is birthed into my life.

Today I feel a new state of gratitude growing within me and I am most thankful for the changes I feel. This journey is giving birth to a new me and I am excited about meeting her when she is ready to be born anew into this reality.

As always, your comments, questions and stories are most welcome.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 25

The more time I spend in gratitude, the less I have to say. After a while it is the state of being in gratitude that becomes the norm and words seem to pale in comparison.

The holiday season is in full swing now and my journey with gratitude has changed how I feel about this time of year and how I plan to celebrate it. This year I hold a deeper send of joy and peace within myself than in years past. It is a peace and joy that no longer needs the frenzy of shopping or trying to find just the right gift for someone to make their Christmas special.

That is an old trap that keeps me focused on being perfect and feeds the erroneous belief that I am personally responsible for the joy of the season. And that is a path that robs me of the joy, peace and magic that is meant to be part of this year.

This year, using the state of gratitude, I am opening the doors to expect and experience magic and miracles to show up in my life in wonderful new ways. My focus for this season is different. I will be spending more time in joy-filled activities with those I love and very little time out in the crazy chaos of shopping.

Instead, I will take pleasure in making gifts for loved ones as I used to do many years ago. To create, bake, simmer, sew and knit for others has always brought me great pleasure. Thinking of the person as I create something just for them keeps me in that state of gratitude; I can pour my love and best wishes into everything I make.

This time in gratitude has rearranged my priorities and shown me what is truly important in my life--and 'things' aren't it. Spending time with those I love, creating new memories and new traditions and engaging in activities that make us laugh and appreciate life more--that is where the magic of the season is.

In each other.

As my 30 day journey of gratitude draws to a close this week, I feel the shift from "I" more and more into 'we' and 'us'. My sense of 'I' is so filled with gratitude as a way of living that it can't help but spill over to others. This journey really is not just about me; it is about 'all'.

As I prepare to re-enter my life differently, I am grateful for each new understanding and each new event that comes my way.

In gratitude for all,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 21

This morning's journey began with frustration.  Frustration because some things I'm working towards are not happening, or at least not happening at the speed I want.  So my meditation began with a bit of cursing the challenges I face.  Why me?  Why not me? What good is it to be grateful for my troubles and challenges?  That just smacks of my old religious upbringing to be grateful for what little God gives me!

So there I sat with my questions and gave thanks for them.  Even if I couldn't feel grateful for the challenges, I was at least grateful for the questions.  It didn't take long for the answers to move through me.

Gratitude must come from the inside.  When I look outside of myself to what I do or do not have, it is easy to lose that sense of gratitude because gratitude will never come from outside of myself.  It is an 'inside job' and that's where the powerful of gratitude lies--within each of us.  Not out in the world we experience, but within each one of us is the seed of gratitude.

'Challenges, problems, troubles, difficulties, not-enoughness'--are words we have assigned a negative meaning to and they come with energy that contracts us rather than expands us. 

What if I shifted my perspective and thought of them as 'opportunities'?  After all, isn't that what they really are--opportunities to take action, make a new decision, re-evaluate, let go, embrace, to say yes please or no thank you to situations in our lives.  How would that change my feelings about what happens around me?

An instant internal shift happened and I again slipped into that gentle warmth of gratitude.  Thankful for a new understanding; thankful that I asked a better question and received a better answer.  Thankful that by simply changing my perception of words I shifted from contraction into the expansive energy of gratitude.

So now I understand that the situations I face are opportunities for me to re-think and re-choose the direction I want to move on this journey that is my life.

That is a powerful understanding to receive!

And it makes all the difference in the world to me.  Instead of contracting into frustration and old patterns, gratitude expanded me into new ways of thinking about my reality.  How 'real' do I want this situation to be--and what do I want to be real for me instead?  Again--a better question yields a better answer.

I am grateful for the opportunities to succeed that are now open before me. I have some re-thinking and re-choosing to do today!

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 18

The more time I spend in this state of gratitude, the more I learn about who I am and who I am becoming and that leads to feeling even more gratitude.  And I continue to fall in love with myself more every day in new ways.  What an incredible Being I really am--amazing how I never saw that before.  Amazing how we forget to remember how amazing we each are.

As I keep my focus on gratitude, I notice subtle shifts within.  Increasingly I am more open to seeing life as a journey and less needing to try to control my outcomes.  What a relief that is!  To begin giving up controlling my life and how it turns out and relax into the moment as it is--priceless.

I already know my eventual destination, so why not be open to the journey itself and enjoying the outcomes rather than fearing them.  That is a huge shift for me.  I've always been a destination kinda gal--focusing more on getting to the finish line and forgetting to notice the cool things along the way. 

Other changes are beginning to show up in my life as well--physical changes.  As I physically relax into this journey of gratitude I am sleeping more.  Never realized how wound up and constricted I had become the past couple of years with trying to do things the 'right' way and control the outcomes. The more I relax, the slower my pace the more I actually accomplish.  Seems counter-intuitive I know--but it's real.

And I am physically detoxing a bit as the energy of gratitude floods my body, flushing out the old 'not enoughness' that was trapped.  A bit uncomfortable certainly, but also refreshing as my body continues to let go of what it no longer needs to hold.

My outlook on life is definitely brighter--this attitude of gratitude is becoming a constant presence in my life.  More and more when an old habitual thought of worry or fear arises, I am flooded with feelings, images and thoughts of all I have to be grateful for.  A new habit of gratitude as my natural state of being is arising.

I find that I'm walking around in love with people and with the world instead of shrinking away from the chaos and pain.  All good and all bad still exist out there.  We do live in a world of polarity, but the difference for me is where I now place my focus.  Gratitude is not only a state of being, it is also a choice.  A choice that I make every moment in my life.  To choose gratitude over fear.  To choose to focus on all that is good in life and allow my experience of life to be simpler, happier.

I no longer feel the need to save the world. Did I really believe that I could? Loving myself and my life one day at a time is enough.  If we each do that, the world won't need saving.

In the meantime, life is meant to be an adventure and we are meant to enjoy the journey--living full out to the best we can.

Cue the Hawaii 5-0 theme song and my Inner Chicken riding the waves of life!

In gratitude,  Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 17

It seems that the more time I spend in gratitude, the less I have to say.  There comes this tipping point where the experience becomes so deep that words cannot capture the essence of what is felt.  And I believe I may have reached that tipping point.

Normally it would take me a few minutes to settle my mind enough so that I could step into the state of gratitude.  Today, however, I gently slipped into it and was feeling it before I was even aware of being there.  That was an interesting experience in itself!

I sat in the new experience of thankfulness, a gentle warmth glowing through me and felt my outer world swirling around me-forming, dissolving and reforming itself over and over again.  It was like sitting safely by a warm fire with a storm raging outside.  My inner self is calm, peaceful and safe while my outer life is changing into something not yet seen.

When I look around my life everything looks the same, but my internal experience is so different that nothing feels the same. Normally that would make me nervous and scrambling for some stability, but instead today I am feeling calm, peaceful and trusting.  There is deep within me a knowing that all is well.

Today I am grateful for what is and curious about what will be.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 16

I want to first thank a good friend of mine for helping me yesterday to clear some of the old stuff that has arisen during this journey of mine.  Whenever you make a shift of any kind your frequency changes and whatever you've been holding that no longer resonates with that new 'you' shakes loose and needs to be released.  That is what healing is all about--letting go of what no longer fits.  So yesterday my friend Sue helped me let go of all that had shaken loose and I feel so much more freedom.  For that I am grateful.

So this morning, feeling more freedom within and without, I sat down to practice my 10 minutes of gratitude.  It was easier to get into that state of gratitude this morning because most of the chatter that I normally have to move through was gone.  A big WooHoo! on that score!

What is left behind is a deeper warmth, like glowing embers after the logs have burned themselves down.  A calm, steady warmth that spread through me, deep into my bones.

Not the high that I've always felt before; you know that mountain top experience we often get. But with every high must come a leveling out because we are not called to live at the top of the mountain all the time--or at least I'm not.  I am called to live amongst people and be of service from within the community, not separate from them.

And so a new sense of gratitude was born within me today.  It feels like I found myself again and, even better, I fell in love with myself all over again.

Today I am grateful for the slow, steady glow of gratitude that warms me and tells me that I am 'home' at last.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 14

"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."  Abraham Lincoln

That quotes floats through my mind as I begin my time with gratitude.  How happy am I allowing myself to be and what stops me from being happy all the time? Interesting thought to ponder and it opens many doors hidden away in my mind.

As I continue spending time in the state of gratitude I find that all that is not gratitude--all that cannot exist in this energy--is free to roll on up and out of me.  My initial reaction is to stop and ponder each thought and each feeling; wanting to understand and solve.  That's part of our human nature and the function of our conscious mind, that desire to know the 'why' of every situation. 

But asking 'why' will only give you the story surrounding the situation; it will never give you the truth that lies within.  For that you must sit within the middle of it all, giving thanks for whatever is.  As a teacher of mine often says "Understanding is just the booby prize."  Consciously choosing what you want instead of what you currently have--there is the power and the freedom to create change.

To be stand in the middle of your life situation and say "No matter what has happened to me in the past--this is what I choose today.  This is how I choose to live today."  That is true self-empowerment.

Gratitude comes in many forms and some days are easier than others to feel thankful.  Today gratitude showed up as patience and trust.

Patience that saying 'thank you' in the face of doubt is enough, and trust that all is well regardless of what I see happening--or not happening--around me.

So today I am grateful for my doubts, my faith and my journey, bumps and all.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 12

Gratitude was a bit harder to come by this morning.  Lack of patience though showed up in abundance.  That great yummy feeling that I normally slip into, that fullness of the heart, was a no show today.  I stuck with it though because this is, after all, a journey not a destination.  Just because I'm not feeling the gratitude in any given moment doesn't mean that I'm not grateful, just that I'm not in the feeling of it.

I'm imperfect.  Oh no--was that my outdoor voice!?  Parts of me were horrified at that admission while other parts relieved that I finally got it.  It really shouldn't have been such a big surprise--because we all know that no one is perfect.  But it was that sudden 'knowing' that took me by surprise.  You know that moment when you really get it--and once you truly know something you can never again unknow it.  Obviously some part of me thought my imperfections were a well kept secret, though I'm sure if you ask my husband or my kids they'd just roll their eyes and snort.

So I sat in gratitude with my imperfect self.  I sat with the shame that came bursting forth from that admission and continued to give thanks for this journey of getting to know myself in deeper ways.  I was really clueless that parts of me were still trying to be perfect--and successfully failing.  Trying to be perfect is just an old survival strategy from childhood that was waiting for an opportunity to be healed.

And like a dam bursting as the seams, the shame, blame and guilt bottled up inside came flooding out in a torrent.  Instead of being met with resistance or denial though, I allowed those feelings to flow up and out in a state of gratitude.  Because, really--who needs to keep those 3 feelings as a constant companion? 

To be honest--today was really uncomfortable for me; not the happy love-fest I experienced at the beginning.  But it was real, it was honest and it quickly passed, because I stayed in gratitude for the experience.

Every journey has its wonders and its trials.  There are days of ease and days of effort.  Yet with each step on this journey I move forward and each day holds something to be grateful for.  That is what I hold on to when gratitude is not so easy to find.

I am grateful for the gift of my imperfections for they remind me to love myself even more and they remind me that we are all just doing the best we can with what we've got.  Embracing my imperfections allows me to let go of who I think I'm suppose to be and appreciate the fullness of who I actually am.

And that, my friends, was worth the 10 minutes of uncomfortable gratitude this morning.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 11

I am so grateful for early mornings!  My husband is still asleep, the house is quiet and it feels like I have the world all to myself.  It's my favorite time of day because every morning I get to choose anew who I am and how I want to live my life.  Every morning is a 'do over' when, no matter what happened the day before, THIS day I get to be grateful for once again.

This morning my time in gratitude was met with a fair amount of fear at first.  Fear that I was expanding and changing too fast.  Like instead of driving my nice, dependable sedan, I had suddenly jumped behind the wheel of an expensive race car and took off at the speed of light.

"Who will you be if you keep going at this pace?  What will become of me?" I heard in my mind.  My inner child was worried that trouble lay ahead, because as a child whenever I spoke up, asked for what I wanted or did anything 'different', trouble ensured for someone.  So early on I learned to keep a low profile, to stay contracted and off the radar.

But here I am now--on everybody's radar!  Stepping up and stepping out in gratitude--and telling people about it.

So I took a deep breath and sat with my inner child and her fears, thanking them for being there, feeling gratitude for their presence.  And there we sat, the 3 of us in a state of gratitude until the fear dissolved and love flowed in.

An old Billy Joel song began drifting through my mind--just parts of it. "Don't go changing to try and please me.  I love you just the way you are."  And I drifted deeper into the meaning of those words.  I don't have to change anything about myself in order to be loved or in order to have what I want in life.  Living in a state of gratitude changes everything without me having to force a change or trying to be perfect, whatever 'perfect' means. 

Transformation is a natural outcome from gratitude and a spirit of thankfulness.  With a deep sigh my body relaxed into a gentle easiness and lightness.

Today is a play date with 2 of my grandkids, ages 7 and almost 4.  We're making pumpkin pies from real pumpkins.  As a child I learned to bake from my grandmother.  She wanted me to know that not everything comes from a can, and that's a tradition I carry on with my own grandkids.  So today we will cut up the pumpkins, bake them and the seeds, then turn them into delicious pies.

Afterwards is our special movie night complete with pizza and root beer floats before being tucked into bed with kisses from their Mimi (that's me!)

My inner child is invited to join the fun.

I am grateful for this day and for my life.  Every day is a gift that I treasure.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 10

Ten days into my 10 minutes of gratitude and my mind is telling me how bored it is already. Because of my commitment to these 30 days, I decide to sit in gratitude for the boredom--and so I do.  I'm just so grateful to be alive that 10 minutes of boredom doesn't seem so bad.  And I was curious as to why today my mind was bored.  Why not yesterday or why not next week.  What was it about today in particular that I was bored.

Wasn't very long before I had the answer.  My mind began running funny images through my mind to distract me from thinking.  Images of the Stay Puff marshmallow man from the movie Ghostbuster, images from other funny movies that I love, and then drifting into childhood memories of fun and playfulness.  Playing 'kick the can' with all the neighborhood kids in the summer just as the sun was going down.  Softball in our backyard, catching minnows in the creek that ran behind our property--many times of laughter and fun. 

I realized my mind was showing me that there is more to Life than just sitting in my head--that living in gratitude means LIVING--as in being outside of myself and actually living in the world, not just my head.  So as each image, each memory flashed through my vision I felt something heal within me and replaced with something new and fresh within.  It was like each happy thought opened a door to more freedom and my desire to allow my inner life and outer life to be the same increased.

For those of you who know me, you know that I tend to be on the serious side and don't 'let my hair down' very often.  Not that I'm a stick-in-the-mud or anything, but I guess I had separated parts of my life from other parts and kept the playfulness and fun for only certain times.  That all changed as I saw the dam that separated my inner and outer worlds burst open and, once again, my Inner Chicken surfed the waves with the theme song to Hawaii 5-0 blaring in my head. 

The only appropriate response was to laugh out loud and be thankful for my life because--really--how many of you have an Inner Chicken?

So today my Inner Chicken and I are grateful for Life.  And I think we just might spend the day surfing the waves of gratitude and seeing where it takes us.

In gratitude,  Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 8

My mind gets so impatient when it feels I'm not moving forward fast enough.  It is always wanting more, more, more and faster.  This impatience stems from an old belief that there is not enough, so better get it right now.  And that was my experience this morning.

Impatience when nothing 'grand' seemed to be happening.  I love those mountain top experiences.  You know the ones where you feel on top of the world and everything is laid at your feet.  Your energy is high and you are in the zone.  I love that and truth is that there are many other ways to experience transformation as well.

Those gentle moments of gratitude are just as powerful--when I am open to noticing them.  Like a warm gentle breeze blowing freshness into my home, so is that gentle, easy flow of gratitude bringing freshness into my life--and I am transforming.

This journey with gratitude is building a new foundation from which to live my life.  My old foundation which was based on past pain was like a huge dam filled with thousands of leaks and threatening to overwhelm me should I not contain it all.  What an exhausting way to live!

Today I have a new image.  The dam has broken and I'm riding the waves using the energy released to fuel my new foundation, my new way of living in this world.

No longer afraid of being overwhelmed, I am now free to build anew.  And I hear myself on that surfboard yelling "Ride the waves baby.  Ride the waves."

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 7

Wow--a week has gone by already?  I guess that's what happens when you can step outside of time for a while.  In some ways it feels like just yesterday I began this journey and in other ways--by the changes I'm experiencing--it feels like ages ago.  When you step outside of time and into that state of Gratitude, you open to so much more than your conscious mind can imagine.

And speaking of conscious mind--that is what came up for me this morning in my gratitude time.  I slipped into gratitude gentle and easy this morning.  No resistance, just thankfulness.  Yet as I sat there breathing in, breathing out and focusing on all that I'm grateful for,  I felt something missing.  A part of me not there.  So I waited--in gratitude.

And who shows up but my ego mind.  Also known as beta mind, conscious mind, personality self and a myriad of other names.  Letting me know that I have left this very important part of who I am out of the equation of my life way too long.   

You see, as a medical intuitive and teacher I work with the subconscious mind because that's where the belief systems are held.  But I have ignored a part of me that also plays an essential role in who I am and what I do.  My ego.

Ego has been given a bad rap for a long time, being treated like an unwanted, troublesome, and annoying child.  And it is anything but.  While the ego/conscious mind is only 15% of our reality, 15% is a very big deal and I have spent years pushing it aside, even trying to defeat it as if it was bad.

So we sat together, my ego and I, as I listened to what it needed from me.  Acknowledgement, acceptance, love and...wait for it....gratitude.  It is that part of me that discerns, makes quick decisions, makes sure I pay my bills on time and even gets me out of bed every morning.  And she is the 'gatekeeper' to my subconscious mind. Everything that comes my way that doesn't already fit with my subconsciously held belief systems gets deleted or blocked.  The positive intention--and our ego/conscious mind always works from a positive intention, no matter how weird that might seem.

So why is this important?  Because the changes I've made internally--in my subconscious belief patterns no longer match what my ego/conscious mind believes.  For decades I have believed that struggle, strain, suffering and lack was the only way to live--that's neither good nor bad, that's just what I was trained as a child to believe about life.  My life reflected that core belief and I can look back at every situation in my life and see how it played out exactly that way. 

Now here I go changing everything subconsciously, but not updating my conscious mind.  It's like changing someone's job description after years of doing the same tasks every day, then being being angry because they aren't doing their job! 

No wonder I have been experiencing conflict in both my inner and outer world.  I now believe something new, but my ego mind is still functioning from old programming.  That explains why when I get close to a goal, something happens and it falls short of my desired outcome.  Not because anything is wrong with me or not because I can't get what I want.  But because I have not let my ego mind in on this new gratitude 'thing' where everything is ease and flow.

I sat there listening to this conversation in my head and my only response finally was....oh...duh.

So I sat in gratitude of my ego/conscious mind, thanking her for all the wonderful, amazing things she has done for me over my lifetime.  And I brought her up to speed with my new belief systems.  She's on board now--in fact she's REALLY on board.  The vision I received was a baby chick riding the waves on a surf board yelling "Ride the waves baby.  Ride the waves."

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 6

What started out as an Experiment has now become a Journey.  My experience so far in 6 days of spending 10 minutes a day in Gratitude has taken on a life of its own and I'm now on a Journey of Gratitude, curious to see where this particular journey takes me.

Gratitude shows up in a myriad of forms-words of thankfulness, music that soothes the soul, visions and symbols, dreams, feelings, new rhythms and beats.  There is no one way to be in the state of gratitude--only your way of being there.  That may remain the same for you or, like me, change and move differently day to day.

Some days it is easy to feel the flow of gratitude coursing through my being and other days, not so much.  This morning is one of those 'not so much' days.  At first I was worried that I couldn't feel that 'mountain top' experience of gratefulness and then I spent precious moment trying to make it happen.
"What a stupid experiment I'm doing! I MUST be grateful!  Let me just change that ingratitude to gratitude right now."
 
Then I heard my inner voice tell me 'Relax into this moment and allow it to be whatever it is.'  So I did.  I took a deep breath and made the choice (and ALL change begins with a choice) and let go of my preconceived ideas of what I thought being in gratitude should be and allowed myself to just be in the flow of 'what is.'

That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful.  I am.  I still said my gratitude prayers, thanking & blessing all that I have in my life.  I just wasn't 'feeling' it if you know what I mean. 

Life has an ebb and a flow--like the tide.  So I sat and focused on the ebb and flow of my breathing.  In and out.  Breathing in and bringing in.  Breathing out and letting go.  In and out.

Meister Eckhart said "If all you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you' that will suffice.' 

So for today I just said 'thank you that I am alive' and I trust that is enough.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

Gratitude Experiment--Day 5

Resistance--what a great teacher!  It was inevitable this resistance.  The conscious mind doesn't think much of change after all and loves the status quo.  To spend time in the state of gratitude--and gratitude IS a state of being--opens you up to change.  And resistance arises, like an old pair of slippers.

I embraced my resistance and expressed gratitude for it.  'Thank you resistance!  How wonderful to see you again old friend.  I acknowledge and honor you as being part of who I am.  Welcome.'  It seemed insane at first to embrace my resistance because, after all, we resist feeling it don't we?  But what we resist persists.  And so we sat together--my resistance and me.  Just sat in gratitude that I actually had resistance--realizing that resistance has a positive intention, which is to keep my safe.

And in that moment of safety I felt the shift.  How precious is life!  My life, regardless of what I do or don't have, despite the situations I find myself in--my life IS precious.  Your life is precious.  The very act of living is precious.

Last night my husband & I attended a charity gala.  I got all 'gussied up' as my mother called it and Jim wore his tux.  We've always had a great time before at this annual gala, but this year was a very different experience.  The room was noisy & chaotic and several of the people at our table spent the evening drinking and texting rather than talking. 

So we left early and came home.  I quickly shed the fancy clothes and slipped into my favorite pair of flannel pajamas.  Just the man I love and myself--together and grateful. 

That experience last night showed me what I value most--a life of simplicity with people I love and who love me right back.  Being myself in every moment.  Being grateful for all my experiences--whether I like them or not.

So there I sat in my flannel pajamas filled with happy smiling frogs. Nothing to prove, nothing to do, nothing to be--just me in the moment.  Content, happy and grateful for everything.

Enjoying the essence of my life now.

In gratitude,
Bonnie




 

Gratitude Experiment--Day 4

Here's what I experienced from my 10 minutes in gratitude this morning.

Being grateful for your life in this moment, no matter what your current circumstances, does not mean that you are content or ok with where you are.  By saying thank you for what is now is not the same as being satisfied for what is.  You are not saying "I'm grateful for this debt.  I'm grateful for this illness."  Or whatever is happening in your life now.  That is a common misunderstanding--or fear we often have about saying thank you for what is.

By saying thank you for the money that I DO have expands you beyond the fear of not enough.  Thank you for the love I DO have in my life opens you to even more.

Everything is energy.  What you think, feel and do is energy.  And energy either expands or contracts. Gratitude is an expansive energy and when you take the time to be grateful for even one thing in your life--your energy expands and flows in ways you may not notice.  But it does.

Gratitude is more than a feeling.  It is a state of being.  The more time you spend in this state of being, the more it becomes part of your true nature.
Gratitude is the energy of 'even more'.  And you can certainly add that in your thank yous.

Thank you for the business I DO have.  I am so grateful.  And I open to having even more.  Thank you.

We Stand Sister to Sister in Our Divinity

A beautiful video that speaks to the Brave Woman message. We are all One.  We are all Divine.  We are all Love.  We can all stand sister to sister-shoulder to shoulder in our Greatness.