Some days I just have to laugh at what a slow learner I can be. Today is one of those days! I began my usual process of stepping into gratitude, especially giving thanks for these past 30 days, which are quickly coming to an end.
As I was expressing my gratitude for an experience yesterday that I would preferred to not have had, I realized that being in a state of gratitude does not keep me from feeling old worries and fears, nor does it protect me from the challenges in life. I find that I still worry and fret over what isn't going well in my life and at times old beliefs still pop up and get in my way. It's part of the human experience I suppose; just not the most pleasant part.
The state of gratitude does not guarantee me sunshine and rainbows every day.
What it does do is give me an essential tool to quickly shift my perspective and my experience.
Remember that gratitude is also a choice. I can take the time, even in the midst of anger or worry, to choose to feel gratitude for something. I may not enter the state of gratitude, but I can certainly shift my mood with the feeling of gratitude. To say to myself "I choose this instead of that."
With that understanding came an image of how I've been practicing gratitude up to this point. Practicing it--not being it. It is a journey after all, not a destination, so learning wisdom along the way is a good thing.
The image I saw was of me carrying a huge, heavy rock. This rock was so big that it blocked my view of where I was heading. I had to crane my neck to see around it, but right in front of me--just a big ole piece of impenetrable rock.
Now the interesting thing is that I've carried this 2 ton piece of earth with me for so long that it became part of me--who knew!
I saw that during this journey of stepping into gratitude, I would unconsciously put the rock down, step into gratitude and have my beautiful experience--and then pick up that darn rock again and continue on my not-so-merry way. No wonder I often feel exhausted and can't always 'see' where I'm headed!
Because change is a choice, gratitude is a choice--I made a choice to let go of the rock and try something new. I didn't need nor did I want that rock any longer, and I no longer wanted my journey of gratitude to be separate from who I am, what I do and where I'm headed.
At first the rock turned into a pile of gifts--gifts that I can offer to others, but they were still heavy and still blocked my vision. Not yet matching my vision.
So I sat there as gratitude came to me--that was a new experience. Gratitude stepping into me rather than vice versa. As I allowed myself to be bathed in and invigorated by this state of gratitude, the gifts disappeared completely and there was only me standing there with no obstacles to block my vision.
Me. My knowledge, skills, talents and personality are the gifts I bring to my life and to my clients. Who I am-exactly as I am--is the gift I bring.
Who you are, exactly as you are-that is the gift you bring to the world.
And that knowing my friends is worth this entire journey! For this I am most grateful.
What are your stories, your questions, your opinions? I am grateful for you in my life and would love to hear from you.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Showing posts with label source. Show all posts
Showing posts with label source. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 27
These past 27 days have been rich with learning, understanding and healing. The more I learn, the more I realize how much more there is to learn. I settled into my 10 minutes of gratitude this morning curious what I would experience. Expecting the usual learning and understanding, I felt a different energy begin to flow in.
In gratitude,
Receiving--the energy of receiving began flowing strongly through me. Then I realized that my focus had been on what I could learn about myself on this journey, that it had not dawned on me that I could simply receive gratitude.
Gratitude is more than being thankful, more than expressing gratefulness; it is also receiving gratitude as well as expressing it.
So I relaxed even more into this state and felt myself being divinely loved. I felt for the very first time the Divine Intelligence expressing gratitude for my existence. I felt the gratitude of others grateful for me.
Talk about a big turn-around in understanding! I have been so busy practicing the state of gratitude that I had forgotten that others are grateful for my existence as much as I am grateful for theirs.
I sat with my heart melting open and tears of joy welling up in my eyes as I understood a simple yet profound truth--the divine creator of life cherishes my existence...is grateful for me being here now, being me.
This state of gratitude is a full body-mind-spirit experience of giving-receiving-blessings. Being in a state of gratitude allows my Soul to be a full participant in my life. Being in a state of gratitude allows YOUR Soul to be a full participant in your life--if you allow it.
"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul." And my existence is made sacred and holy through this state of gratitude.
When I am in gratitude I feel the entire universe open to me and for me. And that is a most delicious feeling.
I welcome your thoughts and your stories.
I welcome your thoughts and your stories.
In gratitude,
Sunday, November 27, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 26
Through my experiences on this journey of gratitude I have learned that expressing thankfulness is one aspect of gratitude. Feeling gratitude is another aspect. Being in the state of gratitude amplifies both expression (thoughts) and feeling and creates a different energy--a new vibration that is more powerful than its separate parts. Being in the state of being called gratitude, this new energy moves from being in the mind only into the body and expands both. It truly becomes a body-mind-spirit experience of gratitude.
I felt the shift more deeply this morning. Instead of my awareness being experienced in my mind, my conscious awareness going up & out, the expansion of gratitude dropped down & in so that I experienced body-mind-spirit all in gratitude at once--as one being state.
This was an experience of deepening that opened greater understanding of who I am beyond this physical body. I feel a healing of separation happening, not yet complete, but spreading. A blending that is at once curious and exciting.
You know that experience where you reach a certain point and the experience takes on a life of its own and continues to grow and spread exponentially? It feels very much like the beginning of new life--three things (thoughts, feeling and state of being) coming together in creation. The big bang theory. The beginning of new life. An expansion in control of itself.
I feel it in my cells as well as my thoughts. Something new and different has been creating and is developing organically on its own.
Just as I was excited about meeting the new life that was growing within me each time I was pregnant, I feel new life growing within me now--body-mind-spirit and I am excited about the possibilities and the final outcome when what has been created is birthed into my life.
Today I feel a new state of gratitude growing within me and I am most thankful for the changes I feel. This journey is giving birth to a new me and I am excited about meeting her when she is ready to be born anew into this reality.
As always, your comments, questions and stories are most welcome.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
I felt the shift more deeply this morning. Instead of my awareness being experienced in my mind, my conscious awareness going up & out, the expansion of gratitude dropped down & in so that I experienced body-mind-spirit all in gratitude at once--as one being state.
This was an experience of deepening that opened greater understanding of who I am beyond this physical body. I feel a healing of separation happening, not yet complete, but spreading. A blending that is at once curious and exciting.
You know that experience where you reach a certain point and the experience takes on a life of its own and continues to grow and spread exponentially? It feels very much like the beginning of new life--three things (thoughts, feeling and state of being) coming together in creation. The big bang theory. The beginning of new life. An expansion in control of itself.
I feel it in my cells as well as my thoughts. Something new and different has been creating and is developing organically on its own.
Just as I was excited about meeting the new life that was growing within me each time I was pregnant, I feel new life growing within me now--body-mind-spirit and I am excited about the possibilities and the final outcome when what has been created is birthed into my life.
Today I feel a new state of gratitude growing within me and I am most thankful for the changes I feel. This journey is giving birth to a new me and I am excited about meeting her when she is ready to be born anew into this reality.
As always, your comments, questions and stories are most welcome.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Friday, November 25, 2011
The remains of yesterday's turkey simmering on the stove on its way to becoming tomorrow's soup, I allowed that delicious aroma to take me deeper into my state of gratitude this morning. Thoughts of yesterday's time with family floated across my mind until I had given thanks for each person, each bite of food and each memory.
Then a deep sense of inner peace flowed through me, and there I stayed, floating in peace and feeling at one with the world.
When I finally opened my eyes, 20 minutes had flown by! I realized that while life has its ups and downs, it also has its times of peaceful plateaus.
Today I am grateful for my plateau where I can simply relax in peace and love for the day.
All is well--and for that I am most grateful.
Please feel free to share your experiences! I welcome knowing how you experience gratitude and all that you are grateful for in your life.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Then a deep sense of inner peace flowed through me, and there I stayed, floating in peace and feeling at one with the world.
When I finally opened my eyes, 20 minutes had flown by! I realized that while life has its ups and downs, it also has its times of peaceful plateaus.
Today I am grateful for my plateau where I can simply relax in peace and love for the day.
All is well--and for that I am most grateful.
Please feel free to share your experiences! I welcome knowing how you experience gratitude and all that you are grateful for in your life.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Thursday, November 24, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 23
Today is Thanksgiving Day here in the U.S. and we are spending today with family. Any day I spend with my children and grandchildren is a day to be grateful, but this day most of all.
I began my meditation with an open heart filling with thoughts of each family member. There is a new grandbaby on her way, so extra special gratitude for a new life among us. One daughter has found 'the one' and he is being introduced to the whole clan today. I am grateful for her newfound happiness and also that this family so easily opens its arms and heart to embrace new life and new love as we continue to grow.
As I continued to sit in my state of gratitude, allowing my mind to take me to new places, my physical body responded to me. Not in the warm glow of gratitude way that I normally experience, but something different. It immediately got my attention.
There was a response to the gratitude--a living response as my body flowed it back to me. It was like standing at a top of a canyon yelling "Hello. I love you' and expecting those words to be echoed back. Instead I heard "I love you too." A surprise as I realized for the first time that gratitude is a 2-way communication!
All this time I've sent thanks and love to my body for all it does for me, yet had never considered the possibility that my body would respond in kind.
As a medical intuitive who works with the physical body and health all the time you'd think I wouldn't have been surprised, but there I sat in amazement as this deeper communication between us continued--as equals and co-creators of my life.
My body does more than just reflect my thoughts; it responds with its own as well. And isn't that really how it should be--my body as more than a reflection of me, but an active co-creator? Isn't that how it is supposed to be for each of us?
After all, doesn't my body house my Essence? Why wouldn't we consciously co-create not only my health, but my life? Why wouldn't we work in cooperation and harmony with each other?
This morning the meaning of being 'present in my body' took on a whole new depth of understanding and experience. Gratitude is not just a feeling, not just a state of being--it is also a 2-way communication. Whether that be between body-mind or two people, gratitude is a divine method of communication.
I am grateful today for the body I live in and it is grateful for my presence and my acknowledgement.
New doors have just opened.
I welcome your comments and experiences!
In gratitude,
Bonnie
I began my meditation with an open heart filling with thoughts of each family member. There is a new grandbaby on her way, so extra special gratitude for a new life among us. One daughter has found 'the one' and he is being introduced to the whole clan today. I am grateful for her newfound happiness and also that this family so easily opens its arms and heart to embrace new life and new love as we continue to grow.
As I continued to sit in my state of gratitude, allowing my mind to take me to new places, my physical body responded to me. Not in the warm glow of gratitude way that I normally experience, but something different. It immediately got my attention.
There was a response to the gratitude--a living response as my body flowed it back to me. It was like standing at a top of a canyon yelling "Hello. I love you' and expecting those words to be echoed back. Instead I heard "I love you too." A surprise as I realized for the first time that gratitude is a 2-way communication!
All this time I've sent thanks and love to my body for all it does for me, yet had never considered the possibility that my body would respond in kind.
As a medical intuitive who works with the physical body and health all the time you'd think I wouldn't have been surprised, but there I sat in amazement as this deeper communication between us continued--as equals and co-creators of my life.
My body does more than just reflect my thoughts; it responds with its own as well. And isn't that really how it should be--my body as more than a reflection of me, but an active co-creator? Isn't that how it is supposed to be for each of us?
After all, doesn't my body house my Essence? Why wouldn't we consciously co-create not only my health, but my life? Why wouldn't we work in cooperation and harmony with each other?
This morning the meaning of being 'present in my body' took on a whole new depth of understanding and experience. Gratitude is not just a feeling, not just a state of being--it is also a 2-way communication. Whether that be between body-mind or two people, gratitude is a divine method of communication.
I am grateful today for the body I live in and it is grateful for my presence and my acknowledgement.
New doors have just opened.
I welcome your comments and experiences!
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 21
This morning's journey began with frustration. Frustration because some things I'm working towards are not happening, or at least not happening at the speed I want. So my meditation began with a bit of cursing the challenges I face. Why me? Why not me? What good is it to be grateful for my troubles and challenges? That just smacks of my old religious upbringing to be grateful for what little God gives me!
So there I sat with my questions and gave thanks for them. Even if I couldn't feel grateful for the challenges, I was at least grateful for the questions. It didn't take long for the answers to move through me.
Gratitude must come from the inside. When I look outside of myself to what I do or do not have, it is easy to lose that sense of gratitude because gratitude will never come from outside of myself. It is an 'inside job' and that's where the powerful of gratitude lies--within each of us. Not out in the world we experience, but within each one of us is the seed of gratitude.
'Challenges, problems, troubles, difficulties, not-enoughness'--are words we have assigned a negative meaning to and they come with energy that contracts us rather than expands us.
What if I shifted my perspective and thought of them as 'opportunities'? After all, isn't that what they really are--opportunities to take action, make a new decision, re-evaluate, let go, embrace, to say yes please or no thank you to situations in our lives. How would that change my feelings about what happens around me?
An instant internal shift happened and I again slipped into that gentle warmth of gratitude. Thankful for a new understanding; thankful that I asked a better question and received a better answer. Thankful that by simply changing my perception of words I shifted from contraction into the expansive energy of gratitude.
So now I understand that the situations I face are opportunities for me to re-think and re-choose the direction I want to move on this journey that is my life.
That is a powerful understanding to receive!
And it makes all the difference in the world to me. Instead of contracting into frustration and old patterns, gratitude expanded me into new ways of thinking about my reality. How 'real' do I want this situation to be--and what do I want to be real for me instead? Again--a better question yields a better answer.
I am grateful for the opportunities to succeed that are now open before me. I have some re-thinking and re-choosing to do today!
In gratitude,
Bonnie
So there I sat with my questions and gave thanks for them. Even if I couldn't feel grateful for the challenges, I was at least grateful for the questions. It didn't take long for the answers to move through me.
Gratitude must come from the inside. When I look outside of myself to what I do or do not have, it is easy to lose that sense of gratitude because gratitude will never come from outside of myself. It is an 'inside job' and that's where the powerful of gratitude lies--within each of us. Not out in the world we experience, but within each one of us is the seed of gratitude.
'Challenges, problems, troubles, difficulties, not-enoughness'--are words we have assigned a negative meaning to and they come with energy that contracts us rather than expands us.
What if I shifted my perspective and thought of them as 'opportunities'? After all, isn't that what they really are--opportunities to take action, make a new decision, re-evaluate, let go, embrace, to say yes please or no thank you to situations in our lives. How would that change my feelings about what happens around me?
An instant internal shift happened and I again slipped into that gentle warmth of gratitude. Thankful for a new understanding; thankful that I asked a better question and received a better answer. Thankful that by simply changing my perception of words I shifted from contraction into the expansive energy of gratitude.
So now I understand that the situations I face are opportunities for me to re-think and re-choose the direction I want to move on this journey that is my life.
That is a powerful understanding to receive!
And it makes all the difference in the world to me. Instead of contracting into frustration and old patterns, gratitude expanded me into new ways of thinking about my reality. How 'real' do I want this situation to be--and what do I want to be real for me instead? Again--a better question yields a better answer.
I am grateful for the opportunities to succeed that are now open before me. I have some re-thinking and re-choosing to do today!
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Monday, November 21, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 20
The joy of gratitude! Yesterday I experienced my body taking over and releasing past painful events. There was beauty and grace in that experience and I felt much lighter afterwards. Releasing old stuff is always a good thing.
This morning's journey took me on a very different path--the path of joy in living. Because my childhood was full of chaos and pain, my focus for years was healing and creating a fresh start, and so I did.
What I often forget along the way--I think we all often forget--is that joy, love and fun are also part of living.
Flashes of happy times flowed through me, increasing and deepening my sense of gratitude and unleashing the joy that had been forgotten. The years and events flew by like watching a movie in fast forward as I remembered the good times and the people who loved and supported me.
The memory of joy that stood out the brightest was holding my first born daughter in my arms. I was a teenage mom and there had been plenty of drama around that. But when I looked at her and she looked at me all that faded away. For the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to truly love another without reservation. Until that moment I had no idea that I was capable of such love.
My memories flowed to the birth of my 3 other babies and how each time I wasn't sure I could be any more open to love, blessings and joy--I did.
Life has a way of getting in the way of gratitude and love if we stop paying attention. To have this experience today--to feel joy released and to remember how truly blessed I am is wonderful. It is a good reminder that the good and the difficult all exist around me and it is my focus that determines my experience and my reality now.
Today I am grateful for the journey of my life. A corner has been turned on this 20th day of gratitude and a new adventure awaits.
So today my Inner Chicken and I will ride the waves of this new grand adventure, feeling blessed to be alive.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
This morning's journey took me on a very different path--the path of joy in living. Because my childhood was full of chaos and pain, my focus for years was healing and creating a fresh start, and so I did.
What I often forget along the way--I think we all often forget--is that joy, love and fun are also part of living.
Flashes of happy times flowed through me, increasing and deepening my sense of gratitude and unleashing the joy that had been forgotten. The years and events flew by like watching a movie in fast forward as I remembered the good times and the people who loved and supported me.
The memory of joy that stood out the brightest was holding my first born daughter in my arms. I was a teenage mom and there had been plenty of drama around that. But when I looked at her and she looked at me all that faded away. For the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to truly love another without reservation. Until that moment I had no idea that I was capable of such love.
My memories flowed to the birth of my 3 other babies and how each time I wasn't sure I could be any more open to love, blessings and joy--I did.
Life has a way of getting in the way of gratitude and love if we stop paying attention. To have this experience today--to feel joy released and to remember how truly blessed I am is wonderful. It is a good reminder that the good and the difficult all exist around me and it is my focus that determines my experience and my reality now.
Today I am grateful for the journey of my life. A corner has been turned on this 20th day of gratitude and a new adventure awaits.
So today my Inner Chicken and I will ride the waves of this new grand adventure, feeling blessed to be alive.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Sunday, November 20, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 19
Gratitude leads to inner peace and that is how I awoke this morning, with this deepest sense of inner peace as my first awareness. So instead of getting up to do my 10 minutes of gratitude meditation in my usual spot, I allowed myself to shift into gratitude right there, lying in bed all snuggled under the blankets on a dark, cold morning and had a very different experience of gratitude.
Usually it is my mind that guides me through the meditation; my mind that consciously takes me into gratitude. This time, maybe because I was so relaxed, it was my physical body that took over the reins, guiding me ever deeper into what happens to me physically when I am in a state of gratitude. An odd experience certainly and I'm not quite sure if I can describe the difference.
Always before my mind told me what my body was feeling; whether it was about gratitude or anything else, the understanding came through my mind. This morning, however, the knowing came directly from my body--and I understood it. Instead of gratitude flowing from my thoughts down into my physical being, it was my body that flowed gratitude to my thoughts. My body was reflecting back to me its new state of being now--a state of physical being that carried, held and flowed gratitude. No longer was my body being fed gratitude, it had become the state of gratitude. Something had shifted within the physical and it all feels different.
Curious now to see what was next, I relaxed into this new experience and allowed it to unfold. At first I thought my mind was wandering and I'd try to bring it back to the present. But then I realized that my mind wasn't wandering because my mind was not controlling this experience--my body was. Old memories would pop up--what use to be very painful memories from childhood. Instead of the feeling of pain and woundedness that always accompanied these memories, a feeling of warmth--that new state of gratitude I have--flowed through each memory, dissolving it.
It took a few minutes to realize that the intelligence of my body--and make no mistake our bodies have an intelligence of their own--was using gratitude to heal the pain in my past. So I lay there, open and allowing this process to unfold as memory after memory was released from my cells and healed. Past memories and future worries, all healed in the same way--with gratitude.
As a medical intuitive I am use to entering the body and taking a look around, but that is my mind controlling the process. This experience was entirely different. I could actually feel my body healing itself and it was doing it consciously, wanting me to know and understand what was happening. Gratitude has become so much more than a feeling I flow through my body 10 minutes a day. It is now a state of being that I live in and that my body responds to.
As the body is a reflection of the mind, I saw a new reflection of myself this morning. And I am grateful for who I am and who I am becoming.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Usually it is my mind that guides me through the meditation; my mind that consciously takes me into gratitude. This time, maybe because I was so relaxed, it was my physical body that took over the reins, guiding me ever deeper into what happens to me physically when I am in a state of gratitude. An odd experience certainly and I'm not quite sure if I can describe the difference.
Always before my mind told me what my body was feeling; whether it was about gratitude or anything else, the understanding came through my mind. This morning, however, the knowing came directly from my body--and I understood it. Instead of gratitude flowing from my thoughts down into my physical being, it was my body that flowed gratitude to my thoughts. My body was reflecting back to me its new state of being now--a state of physical being that carried, held and flowed gratitude. No longer was my body being fed gratitude, it had become the state of gratitude. Something had shifted within the physical and it all feels different.
Curious now to see what was next, I relaxed into this new experience and allowed it to unfold. At first I thought my mind was wandering and I'd try to bring it back to the present. But then I realized that my mind wasn't wandering because my mind was not controlling this experience--my body was. Old memories would pop up--what use to be very painful memories from childhood. Instead of the feeling of pain and woundedness that always accompanied these memories, a feeling of warmth--that new state of gratitude I have--flowed through each memory, dissolving it.
It took a few minutes to realize that the intelligence of my body--and make no mistake our bodies have an intelligence of their own--was using gratitude to heal the pain in my past. So I lay there, open and allowing this process to unfold as memory after memory was released from my cells and healed. Past memories and future worries, all healed in the same way--with gratitude.
As a medical intuitive I am use to entering the body and taking a look around, but that is my mind controlling the process. This experience was entirely different. I could actually feel my body healing itself and it was doing it consciously, wanting me to know and understand what was happening. Gratitude has become so much more than a feeling I flow through my body 10 minutes a day. It is now a state of being that I live in and that my body responds to.
As the body is a reflection of the mind, I saw a new reflection of myself this morning. And I am grateful for who I am and who I am becoming.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 15
Before I begin talking about my experience this morning with gratitude I'd like to answer a couple of questions that I've received from people following my journey.
How do I get started and what do I do once I've started?
I always start my 10 minute mediation by closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Then I begin with my gratitude prayers--thank you for my life, thank you for my ability to breathe, and then I move through gratefulness for my husband, children, grandchildren, friends and opportunities. After that I take another deep breath and quiet my mind and allow myself to feel the gratitude for all those things. Some days it flows smoothly and other days it's more challenging.
Just like today--I had a few false starts and had to start over again. It's a journey, not a destination I have to remind myself. Simply a journey.
OK. On to my experience this morning. And an interesting one it was as I mark the mid-way point of this 30 day journey. A bit of a challenge to settle down into gratitude. My conscious mind was running wild with thoughts of today's 'to do' list and I even found myself worrying about getting my Christmas shopping done. Lots of resistance for some reason.
At first I tried reining the thoughts in, which of course did not work. So I allowed them to scurry across my inner vision unhindered, like clouds being blown across the sky by a strong wind.
Then it happened--I felt a sudden, subtle shift and my mind went completely still and time seemed to stop. All sounds silenced and my outer world ceased to exist.
I sat in this profound silence and felt myself floating in what felt like a primordial soup of everything and nothing. Of course, the moment I was aware I popped out of it, but then would fall right back into it again. So there I sate, blinking in and out from what felt like existence to non-existence, from particle to wave to particle again. Back and forth, in and out, feeling gratitude in both states of being. But gratitude in a very different way that is difficult to describe.
I've had this experience before when in deep meditation, but this was the first time I blinked back and forth, bringing gratitude with me.
Instead of experiencing the feeling of gratitude, I believe I experienced the knowing of it--the true state of it. I believe I tapped into that place where all things manifest--the unified field that exists all around us and I felt a presence of something very wonderful.
And for that I am most grateful today.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
How do I get started and what do I do once I've started?
I always start my 10 minute mediation by closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Then I begin with my gratitude prayers--thank you for my life, thank you for my ability to breathe, and then I move through gratefulness for my husband, children, grandchildren, friends and opportunities. After that I take another deep breath and quiet my mind and allow myself to feel the gratitude for all those things. Some days it flows smoothly and other days it's more challenging.
Just like today--I had a few false starts and had to start over again. It's a journey, not a destination I have to remind myself. Simply a journey.
OK. On to my experience this morning. And an interesting one it was as I mark the mid-way point of this 30 day journey. A bit of a challenge to settle down into gratitude. My conscious mind was running wild with thoughts of today's 'to do' list and I even found myself worrying about getting my Christmas shopping done. Lots of resistance for some reason.
At first I tried reining the thoughts in, which of course did not work. So I allowed them to scurry across my inner vision unhindered, like clouds being blown across the sky by a strong wind.
Then it happened--I felt a sudden, subtle shift and my mind went completely still and time seemed to stop. All sounds silenced and my outer world ceased to exist.
I sat in this profound silence and felt myself floating in what felt like a primordial soup of everything and nothing. Of course, the moment I was aware I popped out of it, but then would fall right back into it again. So there I sate, blinking in and out from what felt like existence to non-existence, from particle to wave to particle again. Back and forth, in and out, feeling gratitude in both states of being. But gratitude in a very different way that is difficult to describe.
I've had this experience before when in deep meditation, but this was the first time I blinked back and forth, bringing gratitude with me.
Instead of experiencing the feeling of gratitude, I believe I experienced the knowing of it--the true state of it. I believe I tapped into that place where all things manifest--the unified field that exists all around us and I felt a presence of something very wonderful.
And for that I am most grateful today.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Monday, November 14, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 13
A funny thing about opening to feelings--you can't just pick and choose which feelings you allow. It's not possible to say "I will only feel the 'good' feelings today." That's because feelings are neither good nor bad, right nor wrong. They are just feelings brought on by your thoughts.
So the other day when the dam burst open and everything that was backed up came pouring forth, I understood that would mean that all my feelings were free to express themselves. And they certainly have!
Yesterday was my impatience and today my sadness made its appearance. Not the profound sadness of years past, but the sadness of unanswered prayers, missed opportunities and things I have done or left undone.
Earlier this morning I read a passage that fit perfectly for this moment. "Bask in the luxury of feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved." So I did. As I stepped more fully into that state of gratitude feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved, I allowed the sadness to flow through me, freeing it from the prison of my body. A sweet gentleness flowed in to fill the empty spaces where sadness had previously lived.
The more I let go of what no longer serves me and what I have imprisoned in my body, the more free I am to fully live the life I love. I begin my day in a place of serenity and knowingness.
Today I am grateful for my ability to fully experience all my emotions and to bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
So the other day when the dam burst open and everything that was backed up came pouring forth, I understood that would mean that all my feelings were free to express themselves. And they certainly have!
Yesterday was my impatience and today my sadness made its appearance. Not the profound sadness of years past, but the sadness of unanswered prayers, missed opportunities and things I have done or left undone.
Earlier this morning I read a passage that fit perfectly for this moment. "Bask in the luxury of feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved." So I did. As I stepped more fully into that state of gratitude feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved, I allowed the sadness to flow through me, freeing it from the prison of my body. A sweet gentleness flowed in to fill the empty spaces where sadness had previously lived.
The more I let go of what no longer serves me and what I have imprisoned in my body, the more free I am to fully live the life I love. I begin my day in a place of serenity and knowingness.
Today I am grateful for my ability to fully experience all my emotions and to bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 9
My vulnerability is my strength and I am grateful for that realization.
A couple of things I want to talk about today. For years I've been meditating and all those years I always needed to hold a pillow or cover my solar plexus up in someway. Couldn't meditate without that. This morning during my 10 minutes of gratitude I noticed that I was not covering myself up and hadn't for the past couple of days. That is a huge shift for me. To be open and vulnerable with no need to protect parts of me. It became so natural to not put a pillow or blanket in front of me that I didn't notice it for 3 days. For this new openness I am grateful.
Until yesterday I didn't realize how vulnerable being in gratitude makes you. In fact I hadn't even thought of myself as being more vulnerable until an experience yesterday with a person who made a few mean-spirited remarks to me for reasons of her own. My first reaction was to feel hurt and shut down, but that is now such a foreign feeling that I was immediately aware of the shift from open gratitude to fear.
You see to me being vulnerable use to mean being weak, helpless and open for hurt. It meant that I was allowing anyone to come along and behave badly towards me, so no way was I going to be vulnerable!
My experience with gratitude this morning showed me the true meaning of vulnerability--being fully present in my life, in my body and in the moment. Fully present with myself and for others. My vulnerability is my strength, my gift to myself and to others. For only in the present and in my presence do I allow myself to be known.
Being vulnerable is my strength. It is what makes me the healer and teacher that I am. This journey of gratitude has shown me how I have closed myself off in the past and how much more Life and Light I have when I am open, vulnerable and present.
There will certainly be times when I run into people who behave in unkind ways; we are all doing the best we can with what we have and so many people still live from their pain rather than their true nature. And I accept that people just do what people do and it is never personal really. There will be those times, but the difference today is that I know and understand that in any moment that I lose my presence, I will remember that I now have a higher value on living from a state of gratitude and can return to being present with a simple decision.
So to the person who was so unkind--I am grateful for your presence in my life and the gift of understanding that I received through your action. And to my friends that I turned to when I felt misunderstood, I am most grateful for the mirror you always hold up so that I can see my true reflection of who I am as a woman, a friend, a healer, a teacher.
My vulnerability is my strength and for that I am grateful today.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
A couple of things I want to talk about today. For years I've been meditating and all those years I always needed to hold a pillow or cover my solar plexus up in someway. Couldn't meditate without that. This morning during my 10 minutes of gratitude I noticed that I was not covering myself up and hadn't for the past couple of days. That is a huge shift for me. To be open and vulnerable with no need to protect parts of me. It became so natural to not put a pillow or blanket in front of me that I didn't notice it for 3 days. For this new openness I am grateful.
Until yesterday I didn't realize how vulnerable being in gratitude makes you. In fact I hadn't even thought of myself as being more vulnerable until an experience yesterday with a person who made a few mean-spirited remarks to me for reasons of her own. My first reaction was to feel hurt and shut down, but that is now such a foreign feeling that I was immediately aware of the shift from open gratitude to fear.
You see to me being vulnerable use to mean being weak, helpless and open for hurt. It meant that I was allowing anyone to come along and behave badly towards me, so no way was I going to be vulnerable!
My experience with gratitude this morning showed me the true meaning of vulnerability--being fully present in my life, in my body and in the moment. Fully present with myself and for others. My vulnerability is my strength, my gift to myself and to others. For only in the present and in my presence do I allow myself to be known.
Being vulnerable is my strength. It is what makes me the healer and teacher that I am. This journey of gratitude has shown me how I have closed myself off in the past and how much more Life and Light I have when I am open, vulnerable and present.
There will certainly be times when I run into people who behave in unkind ways; we are all doing the best we can with what we have and so many people still live from their pain rather than their true nature. And I accept that people just do what people do and it is never personal really. There will be those times, but the difference today is that I know and understand that in any moment that I lose my presence, I will remember that I now have a higher value on living from a state of gratitude and can return to being present with a simple decision.
So to the person who was so unkind--I am grateful for your presence in my life and the gift of understanding that I received through your action. And to my friends that I turned to when I felt misunderstood, I am most grateful for the mirror you always hold up so that I can see my true reflection of who I am as a woman, a friend, a healer, a teacher.
My vulnerability is my strength and for that I am grateful today.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Monday, November 7, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 6
What started out as an Experiment has now become a Journey. My experience so far in 6 days of spending 10 minutes a day in Gratitude has taken on a life of its own and I'm now on a Journey of Gratitude, curious to see where this particular journey takes me.
Gratitude shows up in a myriad of forms-words of thankfulness, music that soothes the soul, visions and symbols, dreams, feelings, new rhythms and beats. There is no one way to be in the state of gratitude--only your way of being there. That may remain the same for you or, like me, change and move differently day to day.
Some days it is easy to feel the flow of gratitude coursing through my being and other days, not so much. This morning is one of those 'not so much' days. At first I was worried that I couldn't feel that 'mountain top' experience of gratefulness and then I spent precious moment trying to make it happen.
"What a stupid experiment I'm doing! I MUST be grateful! Let me just change that ingratitude to gratitude right now."
Then I heard my inner voice tell me 'Relax into this moment and allow it to be whatever it is.' So I did. I took a deep breath and made the choice (and ALL change begins with a choice) and let go of my preconceived ideas of what I thought being in gratitude should be and allowed myself to just be in the flow of 'what is.'
That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful. I am. I still said my gratitude prayers, thanking & blessing all that I have in my life. I just wasn't 'feeling' it if you know what I mean.
Life has an ebb and a flow--like the tide. So I sat and focused on the ebb and flow of my breathing. In and out. Breathing in and bringing in. Breathing out and letting go. In and out.
Meister Eckhart said "If all you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you' that will suffice.'
So for today I just said 'thank you that I am alive' and I trust that is enough.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Gratitude shows up in a myriad of forms-words of thankfulness, music that soothes the soul, visions and symbols, dreams, feelings, new rhythms and beats. There is no one way to be in the state of gratitude--only your way of being there. That may remain the same for you or, like me, change and move differently day to day.
Some days it is easy to feel the flow of gratitude coursing through my being and other days, not so much. This morning is one of those 'not so much' days. At first I was worried that I couldn't feel that 'mountain top' experience of gratefulness and then I spent precious moment trying to make it happen.
"What a stupid experiment I'm doing! I MUST be grateful! Let me just change that ingratitude to gratitude right now."
Then I heard my inner voice tell me 'Relax into this moment and allow it to be whatever it is.' So I did. I took a deep breath and made the choice (and ALL change begins with a choice) and let go of my preconceived ideas of what I thought being in gratitude should be and allowed myself to just be in the flow of 'what is.'
That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful. I am. I still said my gratitude prayers, thanking & blessing all that I have in my life. I just wasn't 'feeling' it if you know what I mean.
Life has an ebb and a flow--like the tide. So I sat and focused on the ebb and flow of my breathing. In and out. Breathing in and bringing in. Breathing out and letting go. In and out.
Meister Eckhart said "If all you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you' that will suffice.'
So for today I just said 'thank you that I am alive' and I trust that is enough.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Pushing the River - or Not!
How many times have your caught yourself trying to make things work rather than allowing them to work in your own divine order. After you read this, we would love to hear your responses - thank you, Katie and Bonnie
Resistance is Futile! What we resist persists! Whatever we remember to say to ourselves can make all the difference. I think we can all see when we review our own lives, that those times where we tried to push the river, resist change, or make things work out exactly as we wanted - were not our best or most productive times. At least I can speak for myself, the times when I was 'efforting' to make things work the way I thought they 'should', I often missed terrific opportunities that were right there waiting for me. And when I relaxed into my life and paid attention to what was coming my way, life was much more agreeable.
Katie
There is a huge difference in results between trying and allowing. Trying is what we have been taught in our culture is the right thing to do. Try and try again. What if allowing actually gave us the outcomes we were seeking--without all the spinning of the wheels, worry and beating our heads against the wall?
Something as simple as allowing is a concept many of us have trouble with because it seems like we aren't 'doing' anything.
Trying is the energy of searching but never finding. It is the realm of the conscious mind and contributes to stress, unhappiness, even ill health. As long as you focus your efforts on trying, you prevent yourself from having.
Allowing, on the other hand, is the realm of Source mind, our greater capacity. It is the energy of having, of achieving, of succeeding. It is not a passive state--but actually quite active. When you are in allowing, you are open to receive inspiration and inspired action.
Very different attitudes, different outcomes and different energies used.
Plus allowing is just more fun once you get the hang of it!
Something as simple as allowing is a concept many of us have trouble with because it seems like we aren't 'doing' anything.
Trying is the energy of searching but never finding. It is the realm of the conscious mind and contributes to stress, unhappiness, even ill health. As long as you focus your efforts on trying, you prevent yourself from having.
Allowing, on the other hand, is the realm of Source mind, our greater capacity. It is the energy of having, of achieving, of succeeding. It is not a passive state--but actually quite active. When you are in allowing, you are open to receive inspiration and inspired action.
Very different attitudes, different outcomes and different energies used.
Plus allowing is just more fun once you get the hang of it!
Bonnie
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)